Stages
by F91
Summary: Nanoha goes through the motions of facing her demise.


It's finals time, and believe it or not, writing this fic is helping me study. The following stages of dealing with death were proposed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. If any of you watch the Simpsons, they'll probably sound familiar.

I don't own Nanoha, but for some reason I keep killing her off lately…

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**Stage 1: Denial**

Nanoha had been in denial for a long time. Shamal and all the other doctors had kept warning her: "Any more excessive use of your magic will further damage your body!"

But she didn't listen. She brushed it aside with her cheery laugh, and assured the concerned party that she'd keep it in mind.

But she never did.

Whenever a new threat appeared, Nanoha would save thousands with a single Starlight Breaker, but she was slowly destroying herself.

The day soon arrived where she couldn't deny it any longer.

**Stage 2: Anger**

Her legs couldn't support her weight anymore. She was constantly coughing up blood. She couldn't even lift a centimetre off the ground before her body was racked with pain. It wasn't long before she was confined to a hospital bed.

All alone in the painfully white room, assailed with the stench of cleaning fluids, Nanoha couldn't help but wonder:

"Why me?"

Hadn't she always done her best? Hadn't she done so much good with her life? So why was she the one who suffered?

Why didn't other mages have the same problem? Should they not suffer the same fate as her?

Why didn't Fate and Hayate try harder to stop her?

Why did Yuuno have to get her involved with magic in the first place?

No, Nanoha couldn't put any blame on them. The one she was really angry with was herself. If only she wasn't so stubborn. If only she had listened to all her friends' warnings…

It was her own fault that she wasn't going to see her darling Vivio grow up…

**Stage 3: Bargaining**

Nanoha had never really given much thought about the existence of God. But if one existed, she wanted Him to hear her out.

"I've been a good person, haven't I? Can't I live for just a little longer? Please, just until Vivio graduates from elementary school… or until Fate-chan makes admiral… or until Hayate-chan gets married… or until Yuuno-kun discovers a lost civilization! I'll have no complaints afterwards if you let me live at least that long! Please!"

Either her pleas fell on deaf ears, or those ears never existed at all, because her condition merely got worse. If there were some higher power, it wasn't going to save her.

**Stage 4: Depression**

Nothing was going to save her. She was going to die. The cold, hard, reality crushed her already fragile soul. This was the end. Her whole, short life had amounted to what? Nothing but shattered dreams, obliterated before they came to pass.

It was all over.

Her friends would always come to visit. They would all try their best to smile. They would act like nothing was wrong, like she'd be at 100% the next day. All Nanoha could do was smile back at them. However, with each passing day, the corners of her mouth would get heavier and heavier.

When visiting hours were over, all she could do was lay there in the darkness, feeling absolutely empty. Perhaps she hadn't accomplished anything after all. Did she even have a chance to?

That's when the letters came. There were literally thousands of them. She read each and every one of them. They were all from students she had trained. Some had left the service, some had remained as mere grunts, and some had been climbing up the rank ladder. They all had the same thing to say: "Thank you." Because of Nanoha and her training (which was described with varying degrees of pain flashbacks), all their lives were now in a good place. They were extremely grateful to her.

Filled with the sentiments of her former students, Nanoha allowed herself to cry. All the fear, loneliness, and pain flowed out from her eyes.

**Stage 5: Acceptance**

Yes, Nanoha was going to die. There was no getting around that. She asked her friends to accept this, and to stop forcing themselves to act cheerful for her sake. Everyone had to die some time. Her time just came sooner than others. Reassured by her students, Nanoha could look back on her life and feel proud about her accomplishments. She had done a lot in her short years. She had touched so many people, and even saved the Universe once or twice.

Of course she had her regrets. She really wanted to continue being Vivio's mama. But she knew that Fate would take good care of her. Nanoha's spirit would be inside their hearts and would watch over them from the heavens. She would always be remembered by the people who loved her.

Now, all that was left was for her to close her eyes, and sleep…


End file.
